Zyr Russian Vodka and Industrial Distillation

Despite all the romantic verbiage in the glossy ads and on the chiseled bottles, making vodka is an industrial process, not unlike making high fructose corn syrup or ethanol. Of course vodka sellers will have you believe that it’s an artisanal process based on a 500-year-old family recipe that includes rare Siberian wheat, crystaline water from artic icecaps, and the eye of newt. Truth is, most U.S.-made vodkas don’t even do their own distillation. They farm it out to big industrial companies like Archer-Daniels-Midland and Grain Processing Corp. that produce ethanol for everything from fuel to antiseptics. (Read this from the WSJ.)

There is a good reason U.S. vodkas favor the industrial process. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms stipulates that vodka is to be defined as a “neutral spirit so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color.” In other words, pure ethanol with water added to bring the proof down. So one is right to be suspect of ambitious claims regarding a spirit that is by definition “without distinctive taste.”

This does not mean however that vodkas are indistinguishable from one another. Mercy no. But among U.S.-made vodkas, you would do well not to spend any more money than the $12.99 you’ll pay for Smirnoff. After all, it’s an industrial process. And when was the last time you heard someone say, That’s some high fructose corn syrup!

Which brings us to Zyr Russian vodka (pronounced “zeer”). I like Russian vodkas because they aren’t overly fussy or sweet. They’re pure and true. And this can certainly be said of Zyr. I would put it ahead of Imperia. It has a similar taste profile, but Zyr is more savoury and silkier. I was so enamoured I drank way too much of it the night I tried it. It was about $26-$27 and worth the occasional splurge.

Now for Zyr’s puffery. It uses what its makes claim is a unique 9:5:3 process – that is nine filtrations, five distillations and three tastings. This is no doubt an ancient secret Russian recipe devised by ancient Pythagoreans. And the marketers of Zyr make a point of telling us that the water used is drawn from 460 feet below Russian soil. As if we would be disappointed if it were only 300 feet, say.

One final thing I really liked about Zyr: it’s name. I like the idea of vodkas with monosyllabic names, allowing one to still clearly order them when impaired. It’s probably why vodkas don’t generally have names such as Perspicacious or Ornithological. Better: Zyr, Err, Uh, ... Me want Ur....