Crisis averted: Cheap vodka for everyone!

I’m over vodka.

There, I said it. I’ve been harboring this tumor of doubt within my besotted soul for a couple of years now. I often fail to appreciate the virtues of the expensive labels, which I struggle to distinguish from the cheap stuff. So I'm coming clean: I am less a connoisseur than merely an arbiter of what’s good and what’s bad.

And that suits me just fine.

In Vino Veritas

It crystalized for me the other night at a wine tasting. As I swished a cloying cuvee blush over wasabi peas, dutifully taking note of how the former softened the latter, I had a blunt tasting note that I withheld from our sommelier: the wine sucked. Hard. It was only remotely palatable* because my mouth was stuffed with Japanese horseradish.

Perhaps this means I have a coarse palate. To wit, my tasting notes for the evening: no … no … no … no … good … eh … godawful (see above)… hell to the no. That night I took home one bottle—of olive oil. (“Good” was $30.)

Which brings me to the existential question that threatened my worthiness of this blog.

Am I Discriminating?

After much deliberation and self-recrimination, I can confidently say, you bet I am. Discriminating, yes; hair-splitting, not so much. I know good. I know bad. And I don’t begrudge the good enough.

Such discernment is put to good use when it comes to vodka. Because there is a lot of good enough vodka. In fact, it's so plentiful that it's the reason I became mired in self-doubt. I liked everything! Was I a fraud, no more discriminating than the village bicycle?

Thankfully, I am not. A fraud that is. I am, however, a vodka slut. Because there really are scores of good vodkas to choose from. And in most cases, good vodka is good enough. Especially if you’re mixing it in a wackatini.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying all vodkas taste the same. Just that many are so close you can opt for the cheaper bottle without sacrificing quality. And the New York Times agrees with me.

Another Bubble Burst

My devastating personal crisis turned out to be a wonderful thing. And we have the recent economic meltdown to thank for it. In the past five years, the focus of vodka marketers has gone from fleecing douchebags (not that I object to the practice) to pedaling fine vodka at reasonable prices.

So if you're not the type to detect hints of fennel and lemon grass in your vodka, try these six bottles under $15, all of which earn my Good Enough seal:

• Luksusowa—dollar-for-dollar, the best vodka available at $14.99. It’s a creamy Polish potato vodka that would be good at twice the price. Move over Belvedere.
• Smirnoff—See my review. Still a solid choice at $13.99.
• Pinnacle—While the outrageous flavored varieties offend me deeply, the regular vodka is damn fine at $13.99.
• 42 Below—See my review. Only $11.99.
• Platinum 7x—We’ve broken the $10 mark! At $9.99, I was skeptical, but it’s legit. Smooth.
• Sobieski—I think throwing money at watered down ethanol in fancy bottles is exclusively an American phenomenon. Proof: this Polish vodka is only $8.99. And it’s good. Trust me.

* I’m being generous

42 Below: Vodka from New Zealand

My recent foray in single malts has taught me to appreciate hooch in its naked form, free from the cocktail alchemy that rounds its edges. I have come to approach cocktails like women, mindful of their inclination to mask their body angst with slimming black dresses cut to draw attention to their best features. But spirits are like the Rolling Stones: they are at their best raw, unbridled, and a little bit menacing, their coarseness revealing subtlety. When the Stones have been overcooked with gilt-edged production techniques (I'm looking at you, Steve Lillywhite) they have been reduced to music that is sterile and binary (see Dirty Work, any Mick Jagger solo album).

And so it is in that spirit that I tried 42 Below, the only vodka I know of produced in New Zealand (not that it matters; you can produce vodka anywhere). I poured a bit in a glass at room temperature and gave it a sip. It surprised me on several fronts. First, how palatable it was. I could drink it straight, chilled. Second, the most immediate sensation was that of sweetness. It was smooth and creamy. It was still clearly vodka in all its poignancy, but I was picking up surprisingly palate-friendly notes. I then mixed it up in a martini and it was quite good (though the creaminess was somewhat lost in the shaker). I liked it best with a dash of dry vermouth and a dash of bitters.

Best part: it was only about $20 at my local state-run booze shop.

One drawback. As I have come to realize, vodka is produced by marketers more than craftsmen. And so the name 42 Below is a double entendre: It's produced in New Zealand, near the 42nd parallel. The vodka is also needlessly 42 percent alcohol (get it?!). Too cute for my taste, but the stuff in the bottle redeems itself.